Carolla loves Paris

Last night, at a fancy, overpriced meal I made my parents take me to and then pay for, I asked my mom what she thought about the Paris Hilton “get-out-of-jail-free” situation. I should preface this by saying that my mother is not a huge fan of celebrity gossip – I mean, she likes a good and meaty, scandalicious story about a secret lover, murder, beastiality, etc but the day to day activities of dimwitted “celebutantes” doesn’t realty interest her. I wasn’t even sure if she knew who Paris Hilton was. But duh, Paris is everywhere (why? I still don’t get it!), so of course my mom knew all about her, the sex tapes, the driving with a suspended license, going to the slammer (even getting there early to serve her time). But all of Carolla’s knowledge was no match for her shocking response to my initial question. What did she think of Paris being under house arrest in stead of in the big house? I’m paraphrasing here, but she basically said: “Zippety doo dah! Paris is free!”.

My mom seems to think that it’s appropriate/fair that her sentence was reduced as it was based on the crime she committed. Carolla Cope, Esq. said no one ever goes to jail for driving with a suspended license and that even being under house arrest is a severe punishment. Between us, I would love to be locked in my house for a month and have people come and see me, bring me food, watch movies… it would be like the best vacation ever, like law-enforced laziness! I could even ask Christie of Christie’s Nails to make house calls. But I digress…

Really I don’t give two shits about Paris and hope the rest of the world gets on board with me soon. Yes, it’s unfair that the rich white girl gets special treatment. Maybe we should petition that she get the death penalty instead.

Actually I believe this is a good response to the whole ordeal.