meeting in the ladies room

my myspace page is pretty useless. i am not a musician/creative type with demos/reels/etc to show off and i really only want to be friends with people i know because everyone else is a potential freak/sexual predator and belongs in the capable hands of dateline nbc's chris hansen.
but i finally realized the perfect song to accompany myself.
initially, when i figured out how to put songs on (and it took over a year), I selected a song my my fave contemporary band from the north of england, maximo park. their music makes me want to pogo real bad. unfortunately it did not have the same effect on my friend samra who told me it made her terribly anxious. so i switched to amy winehouse's "rehab" because at the time, rehab was all the rage (lindsay, britney, robbie williams, the gardener from "desperate housewives" who got his big break on nbc's "passions") and i've been a fan of the wino since her debut album came out in 2003. anywho, that got played out and after i projectile vomited last week and probably could have used my own stint in rehab, i have been going songless since... and then it hit me.
as i stood with a group of coworkers while we were waiting to sneak out of the world's most boring luncheon ever, one of them said she was going to the ladies room and instinctively i began to sing the klymaxx classic "meeting in the ladies room". it's a great little ditty, poignant and catchy, and it has been one of my favorite songs since i can remember. i don't even know what it's really about (what are they meeting about in that ladies room? wasn't there a conference room free?)
as it turns out, klymaxx has their own myspace page only they don't allow you to use their songs on your own. what greedy bitches! so if anyone knows how to take a song from the outside world and bring it into myspace, give a holler.

fake tan (aka "little pieces of ice")

in my continuing quest to be the most beautiful woman on earth, i took the plunge and had fake tanner applied professionally to my entire body yesterday.
i'm slightly orange and my friend/co-worker moira said my hands look weird (they are the only part of my body exposed today since it's 56 degrees and they don't put it on the face). and while it is true - my hands do look weird - it felt great having a stranger apply brown mousse to my body with a sponge on a stick. and she went everywhere with that sponge on a stick. not to shock anyone, we totally went to "second base" and maybe some other bases but i was too busy talking about all sorts of rubbish to take note. actually the best part of it all was the full-body dead sea salt scrub beforehand which made my skin feel tear-jerkingly soft.
i would do it again only next time i will not chit-chat so much so she can concentrate on covering my fully nude physique with the strange-smelling crap. the threat of un-moussed pieces of flesh (there are a few today) is worth the awkward, "hey your sponging my boobs" silence.
all in all it's pretty exciting to be tan for no reason... and for only $50 (the same price as my pink, sleeveless, stevie nicks hoodie). but what i think i'll do next time is pay a friend to do it in exchange for a bottle of stoli.
next post: i'll discuss the "beaches" of our generation... which i decided is "beaches".